Only Eyes That Cannot See
everything is too awful and I need to write about it
I am only eyes.
This isn’t a poetry post, don’t worry. This is me trying to use words, trying to use the act of writing, to soothe or alleviate my deepening anger.
I am only eyes.
I had my second bout of Covid in October 2022 and since then I have been dealing with keratitis in my eyes, seeing my eye doctor about once a month since then. I’ve already been twice this year, yes twice in 2024, and have my next appointment in four weeks. I am lucky my lingering Covid infection is mostly treatable, although seemingly incurable. Many people have it much, much worse.
I am only eyes.
I am only eyes when I watch Motaz’s visceral Instagram stories, when I see Bisan’s exhaustion and resilience, as they both document their own genocide. I am truly only eyes because I cannot be anything else for them.
I am only eyes because if I stop watching their IG stories, or if I close the app while their stories are playing the algorithm thinks that I don’t want to see it, which contributes to the suppression of this content.
Pause while I go throw up, having called genocide documentation “content.”
I am only eyes.
Eyes that are fucked up, watching the most fucked up thing humans can do to each other.
I am only eyes and cannot be more eloquent with my words to describe genocide.
The urge to apologise for this terribly bleak post is strong, but I’m going to resist. Covid is bleak. Genocide is bleak. Ignoring what I'm going through, what we're all going through, whether you want to acknowledge it or not, feels worse than not apologising. Thank you for reading. Free Palestine.