An Actual Life Update, No I'm Not Being Sarcastic
ok, maybe just a weird essay about my house plants and fall fashion trends
Hey dear readers, how are you? How was your week?
My week was pretty fantastic because I obtained two new plants for our home! A pair of olive trees that I’ve decided to name Stheno and Euryale, after Medusa’s Gorgon sisters. These two lovely ladies join Ted “Theodore” Logan, our palm, in my odyssey towards becoming a plant mom.1
A few months ago I repotted Ted and it was definitely two months too late. I got him a new pot and fresh soil and just went for it. Was it a perfect job? Sadly, no. Two of his stalks (is that the right word?) didn’t survive, but look, it might not be all my fault. The water in Barcelona is, apparently, very chlorinated and can, I’ve read, burn the plants! Ted’s back on his preferred diet of Egg Water, made by hard boiling eggs, he’s looking vibrant again, and he’s even growing taller and sprouting new fronds (right word?)!
Needless to say, Stheno and Euryale will only get either Egg Water or filtered water. And I’ll never again “cheat” and give the cat tap water. Maybe we should also look into one of those water filter shower heads for the humans here.
Originally, this edition of hot mushrooms was going to be an analysis of fashion media’s autumn/winter trend reporting. I even spent some time listing out trends from a sampling of outlets for comparison. You’ll be relieved to hear that I binned that idea because it sounded boring, even to me. Not because I don’t adore a good analysis but because the trends themselves are just, SO boring.
Things like knitwear, plaid, and business casual. Yawn.
So, today you’ll be treated to my personal recommendations for what is trending this autumn/winter:
1 - lighting candles with really long matches
Get yourself a box of extra long matches, light one, and then tell me you don’t instantly feel like living exclusively by candlelight from now until spring.
2 - corduroy
This weekend I was struck with a nagging need to buy some loose fitting corduroy trousers in both dark brown and black. Maybe one day it’ll be cold enough for me to wear them! And I want, nay, need you to know that this trend was on none of the “official” lists.
3 - men’s dressing gowns
Because women’s dressing gowns are too frilly or too pastel and men’s dressing gowns come in dark colours and have deep pockets. I’m not sure why dark colours and the presence of pockets signify a gender, but it is what it is and I like what I like.
4 - olive trees
While I’m loathe to put a plant on a trend list, because I believe living entities are never “trends” (I’m looking at you French Bulldogs and every time a woman’s body part is a “trend”), I hope we’re all good enough friends here that you know I’m not about to ditch these epic ladies for something else next season. They’re gorgeous and they make me smile when I look at them.
5 - not getting covid again
Even though we’re friends I suspect I’ve lost some of you here. Yes, covid is still a thing for “regular” people to worry about. I drink green smoothies, I do yoga every day, I take vitamins, I eat a mostly vegetarian diet, I keep up with booster vaccinations, and I wear an N95 mask when I’m inside public spaces. Plus, I’m blonde and have visible abs. None of this spared me from two horrific rounds of covid. The last of which gave me a parting gift in the form of a viral eye infection that has just celebrated it’s first birthday by not responding to any treatment.
6 - black coffee
Is there anything cooler than drinking black drip coffee? Yes, but that thing is smoking a cigarette whilst drinking black drip coffee. So, I’ll have to settle for looking cool drinking black coffee in a men’s dressing gown whilst thinking about my dad who took drank black my whole childhood. That last sentence sounds like he’s died, which he has not. He is, however, still coping with the tragedy of losing his entire home and all his belongings to a forest fire and if you want to hear more about that, or even donate, here’s his GoFundMe.
7 - wearing an analogue watch
My endlessly caring and helpful husband got a new battery for my Daniel Wellington watch and I’m wearing it again after a five-year break. Now I just need to get back in the habit of actually looking at the watch, instead of my phone, when I want to know the time. Have you noticed a little trend in my trends? Going into this winter I want things to be tactile and analogue and anti-photogenic (except the olive trees, they’re gorgeous). Fun fact for my readers: analog is US English and analogue is British. Do you reckon I can call myself bilingual?
Ok, that’s seven trends I think you should get into this autumn/winter instead of anything an overpaid influencer or underpaid fashion editor is trying to sell you. How’d I do?
As a conclusion I cannot stop myself from listing some of the more unserious trends published by major fashion media:
From Who What Wear UK’s list we have “coats that are functional”…
There is no way Joy hasn’t already been wearing a shapeless black puffy coat for the last three winters. What’s insane is that she has had to pretend to be freezing for fashion — or worse, for her IG feed — and is only now making a declarative statement that her health and comfort matter when she “invests” in outerwear.
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Vogue France tried to sneak both “structured shoulders” and “power shoulders” into their list. Is it problematic if I expect that from US Vogue but am appalled that this is in French Vogue? However, I truly respect the fact that they included “beige”, yes just “beige”, in their list.
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Meanwhile, Glamour US is taking us right back to 2012 with both “peplum tops” and “Normcore 2.0”.
Rachel, why didn’t you become a fashion writer after getting a degree in fashion journalism? Because there is literally nothing to write about until someone attempts to design something new. Because I’m way more excited about super long matches and olive trees than I am about anything called “fashion” right now.
After spelling out Theodore and double checking the spelling I couldn’t help but think that name must be Greek — I’ve immersed myself in ancient Greek stuff lately, obviously — and it is! How about that. Incidentally our robot vacuum is called Roberta Genghis Khan, after Bob Genghis Khan, from the aforementioned Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, because I love stoner dudes and history equally. Don’t worry, I’m not being sexist giving the vacuum a woman’s name. Our first robot vacuum was Bob but this new model is more sophisticated, that’s why she’s a girl.